"Hi, my name is Linda. I committed suicide this morning and I'm having a wonderful day!!" The ladies group I was speaking to that morning, certainly were paying close attention to me after my introductory statement. I don't consider myself a "speaker" yet I have had opportunity to do lots of speaking and singing in public.
The day of this particular event, as I was driving the hour from my house to the venue, I felt totally inadequate and lacking so I was praying. My prayer was answered by the still, small Voice that I have come to know and trust.
"Why don't you tell them that you committed suicide this morning and you are having a great day?"
"What???!!! Lord did I hear You right? They are going to think I am nuts!" I was a little more than shocked and my response reflected this state.
Then the soothing impression of my Heavenly Father poured the oil of joy into my being as He instructed me and reminded me of my encounter with a woman many years before who had threatened to end her life.
Beatrice (not her real name) had been a guest in our home in 1981. She, along with other members of her "Christian Drama Troupe" were billeted in our home. I had three small children under the age of five and I was involved with Church and the praise and worship ministry of "Power In Praise."
During the time that we had these folks in our home, I discovered that "Beatrice" would use my time up with telling me how hard life was for her and how much she hated every day and why this and why that and on and on and on...!
Needless to say, I tried to give her as much compassion and solace and encouragement as I could, in between taking care of my children and husband and all the other things in my life. Our "counselling" sessions would go on into the wee hours of the morning and I was becoming quite exhausted by the whole rollercoaster. The more time I gave to her the needier she became and finally we realized that we could not have her in our home anymore.
She left, but called a few days later threatening to end her life because she was so depressed and unable to handle her despair. I held the receiver in my hand and breathed a quick, silent prayer for wisdom. When I spoke I was shocked to hear the words coming out of my mouth...
"Okay, go ahead and commit suicide..." dead silence on the other end of the phone as I continued..."but you better do it right and the only right way to commit suicide is to lay down at the foot of the Cross and die to yourself and your own selfish desires!"
I could hardly believe what I was saying but I found myself continuing to speak into the phone...
"Just lay down at the feet of Jesus, let Him take your life and make it what He wants it to be. That is the only way to commit suicide and live to tell about it!"
She mumbled something in my ear and hung up.
I was in a numb place of not knowing what I had just done, but the good news is that she did not do herself bodily injury...I guess I had called her bluff and given her the answer that is the only Answer and she really was just playing manipulation and control mind games with me.
I have learned a valuable lesson from that experience as I choose everyday to die to my own plans and agendas. The Lord has given me my life because I have chosen to let Him take my life as I lay down at the foot of the Cross and die.
I am very aware of the "Beatrice's" in the world and I know that there is only one right way to end the misery. I shared the story with the assembled group of women on that morning and I saw in their faces a light of understanding and hope. God came into the assembly and was able to touch bodies, souls, and spirits with His tender and genuine healing.
"I surrender all, I surrender all...All to Thee, my blessed Saviour...I surrender all...!"
The day of this particular event, as I was driving the hour from my house to the venue, I felt totally inadequate and lacking so I was praying. My prayer was answered by the still, small Voice that I have come to know and trust.
"Why don't you tell them that you committed suicide this morning and you are having a great day?"
"What???!!! Lord did I hear You right? They are going to think I am nuts!" I was a little more than shocked and my response reflected this state.
Then the soothing impression of my Heavenly Father poured the oil of joy into my being as He instructed me and reminded me of my encounter with a woman many years before who had threatened to end her life.
Beatrice (not her real name) had been a guest in our home in 1981. She, along with other members of her "Christian Drama Troupe" were billeted in our home. I had three small children under the age of five and I was involved with Church and the praise and worship ministry of "Power In Praise."
During the time that we had these folks in our home, I discovered that "Beatrice" would use my time up with telling me how hard life was for her and how much she hated every day and why this and why that and on and on and on...!
Needless to say, I tried to give her as much compassion and solace and encouragement as I could, in between taking care of my children and husband and all the other things in my life. Our "counselling" sessions would go on into the wee hours of the morning and I was becoming quite exhausted by the whole rollercoaster. The more time I gave to her the needier she became and finally we realized that we could not have her in our home anymore.
She left, but called a few days later threatening to end her life because she was so depressed and unable to handle her despair. I held the receiver in my hand and breathed a quick, silent prayer for wisdom. When I spoke I was shocked to hear the words coming out of my mouth...
"Okay, go ahead and commit suicide..." dead silence on the other end of the phone as I continued..."but you better do it right and the only right way to commit suicide is to lay down at the foot of the Cross and die to yourself and your own selfish desires!"
I could hardly believe what I was saying but I found myself continuing to speak into the phone...
"Just lay down at the feet of Jesus, let Him take your life and make it what He wants it to be. That is the only way to commit suicide and live to tell about it!"
She mumbled something in my ear and hung up.
I was in a numb place of not knowing what I had just done, but the good news is that she did not do herself bodily injury...I guess I had called her bluff and given her the answer that is the only Answer and she really was just playing manipulation and control mind games with me.
I have learned a valuable lesson from that experience as I choose everyday to die to my own plans and agendas. The Lord has given me my life because I have chosen to let Him take my life as I lay down at the foot of the Cross and die.
I am very aware of the "Beatrice's" in the world and I know that there is only one right way to end the misery. I shared the story with the assembled group of women on that morning and I saw in their faces a light of understanding and hope. God came into the assembly and was able to touch bodies, souls, and spirits with His tender and genuine healing.
"I surrender all, I surrender all...All to Thee, my blessed Saviour...I surrender all...!"